From Picking Up the Pieces to Building a Stronger Future: Why Staying Positive Means Choosing Yourself First

When I was asked to write a blog post about overcoming challenges, I’ll admit I hesitated. Looking back on the chapters of our lives that have tested us, changed us, and sometimes broken our hearts is never easy. Some experiences leave their mark in ways that words can never fully explain.

But if sharing a little of my journey reminds even one woman that she is stronger than she realises, that it’s okay to put herself first, and that beautiful days can still lie ahead, then opening up feels worthwhile.

Learning to Adapt

My journey began when I immigrated from South Africa to Australia at just 18 years old, as a newlywed with my whole life ahead of me. Before long, I was a busy mum of three boys who became my entire world.

Just before my eldest son turned four, he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). At the time, I had no idea how much our lives would change. He was completely non-verbal until he was seven, and I desperately wanted to find a way to connect with him. I threw myself into learning Makaton sign language and using flashcards, finding different ways for us to understand each other when words weren't yet possible.

Being his mum meant learning to adapt, often putting my own needs aside to make sure his were met. I needed the flexibility to be available to his school whenever he was struggling, which made traditional employment incredibly difficult.

So, when he was nine, I took a leap of faith and started my own business. It wasn't about chasing a dream or building an empire. It was about finding a way to provide for my family while being the mum my boys needed me to be. Sometimes, the choices we make aren't easy, but they are necessary.

Rebuilding from the Ground Up

That same year, life took another unexpected turn. I went through a divorce and later entered a marriage that became deeply abusive. It was a period that challenged everything I believed about myself, my future, and what life was supposed to look like.

Eventually, we found our way out, but leaving didn't mean the pain disappeared overnight. The experience affected all of us, and my three boys developed PTSD as a result of what we had endured.

There are chapters of life you never imagine yourself living through. You don't always know how you'll get through them, and sometimes simply making it to the end of the day is an achievement in itself.

But when you're a mum, you find a way to keep going, even when you're running on empty.

As a single mother, I needed to provide for my boys and create a more secure future for us. I rolled up my sleeves, earned my wall and floor tiler's licence, and worked hard to build something we could depend on.

Looking back, I realise I was doing more than learning a trade or earning a living. I was rebuilding our lives, one day at a time. I wanted my boys to know that our circumstances didn't have to define our future, and that even when life knocked us down, we could find the courage to get back up.

It wasn't always easy, and I certainly didn't have everything figured out. But I kept going.

Embracing Recovery and New Chapters

Today, life looks very different. I am happily remarried, and my boys have grown into incredible young men, now aged 27, 25 and 21. I look at them and feel incredibly proud of how far we've come.

But life has a way of reminding us that even after we've made it through difficult chapters, there can still be new challenges to face.

After years of physically demanding work, I've recently had hand surgery and am preparing for a second procedure on my other hand. The reality is that I can no longer continue tiling, which means letting go of a trade I worked incredibly hard to build.

That has been harder than I expected.

When you've spent years working, providing, solving problems and being the person everyone can rely on, having to slow down isn't always easy. There is a sense of loss in letting go of something that has been such a big part of your life.

But I'm learning that letting go doesn't mean giving up. Sometimes, it simply means accepting that life is taking you in a different direction.

I'm starting again, and while that can feel daunting, I'm also choosing to see it as an opportunity. I've recently completed my Certificate IV in Work Health and Safety (WHS), and I'm currently working towards my Certificate IV in Training and Assessment (TAE), creating a new path for myself.

It's a reminder that we are never too old, too experienced or too far into our journey to learn something new and begin again.

Recovery has taught me that healing isn't just about allowing your body to mend. It's also about being patient with yourself, accepting what you cannot change, and finding the courage to discover who you are in the next chapter of your life.

Showing Up for Yourself

Through everything I've experienced, I've come to appreciate how much the little things matter.

When you're used to putting everyone else first, looking after yourself can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable. For years, my focus was on my children, providing for my family and making sure everything kept moving forward. Somewhere along the way, it's easy to forget that you matter, too.

That's one of the reasons I believe in the importance of feeling comfortable and confident in your own skin, even on the days when life feels a little heavier than usual.

For me, showing up for yourself doesn't have to mean an intense workout, a complete lifestyle change or some grand declaration that everything is going to be different from tomorrow.

Sometimes, it's much simpler than that.

It's pulling on your favourite leggings, heading outside for a walk, feeling the sun on your face and allowing yourself a little breathing room. It's giving yourself permission to pause, to rest, or simply to have a moment that belongs to you.

And on some days, showing up for yourself might mean doing nothing at all except allowing yourself the time and space to heal.

I've learnt that looking after yourself isn't selfish. You can love your family deeply, support the people around you and still recognise that your own wellbeing matters.

In fact, sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop trying to be everything to everyone and start giving yourself some of the care you've spent years giving to others.

If my journey has taught me anything, it's these two things.

Positivity is a practice, not a permanent state.

Being positive doesn't mean pretending the difficult things never happened or forcing yourself to smile when you're struggling. It means acknowledging where you are while still believing that things can get better. It means understanding that a difficult chapter doesn't have to be the whole story.

Some days, positivity is confidence and excitement about what's ahead. Other days, it's simply finding the strength to get out of bed, take a breath and try again tomorrow.

Both count.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

For much of my life, I've been focused on being strong for the people I love. But I've come to understand that strength also means recognising when you need to slow down, ask for help, set boundaries and take care of yourself.

You don't have to reach breaking point before you give yourself permission to rest. And you don't have to earn the right to put your own wellbeing first.

Your Next Chapter Is Still Yours to Write

To any woman reading this who is navigating a difficult chapter, facing an unexpected change, recovering from something that has taken more out of her than she expected, or simply trying to work out what comes next, I want you to know something.

You don't have to have all the answers today.

You don't have to be strong every minute of every day. And you don't have to pretend that starting again isn't frightening.

Life may not always turn out the way you planned, but that doesn't mean there aren't beautiful things still waiting for you.

Start small. Take a walk. Get some fresh air. Give yourself ten minutes of peace. Celebrate the little wins, even when nobody else sees them. And when you have a difficult day, remind yourself that one hard day doesn't undo all the progress you've made.

Most importantly, remember that your worth isn't measured by how much you can carry, how much you do for others, or how well you hold everything together.

You are allowed to change direction. You are allowed to heal. You are allowed to want more for yourself.

I've learnt that rebuilding your life doesn't always happen in one brave, defining moment. More often, it happens quietly, through the small choices you make each day to keep moving forward.

And perhaps that's what choosing yourself really means: recognising that your story is still unfolding, that you deserve to be part of the life you're working so hard to build, and that it's never too late to begin again.

You may not have chosen every chapter of your life, but you can still choose how you move into the next one.

One small step at a time. One day at a time. And always with the belief that better days are possible. ❤️